I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
