She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
