Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
