Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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