I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize