I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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