We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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