her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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