This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
