Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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