You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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