"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
