K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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