I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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