I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
