Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
