Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
