One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
