Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
