Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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