Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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