I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
