After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
