he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
