it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
