i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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