Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
