why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she woke up with a sticky ear
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
