And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
