***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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