i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
