I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
