Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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