You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
