my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
