Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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