I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
