She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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