When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she looked like the before picture.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
