Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
