OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
