I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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