Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You ruined the universe
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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