Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
