Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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