SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
