sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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