ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
