Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
