when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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