Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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