A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
God I need to hump something, right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
