What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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