Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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