I cut my penus on the lid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
