I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
