We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
