Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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