He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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