I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
