the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
