break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
