may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
